I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
