This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
