I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
