please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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