good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
