I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
