apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
