dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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