you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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