I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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