Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
