I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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