I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
