i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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