so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize