oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize