Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
