no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
