like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Farmville is her only friend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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