Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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