No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
