let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
