I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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