bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
