if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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