i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
