Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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