my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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