Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
