were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
