i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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