Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
