I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
