Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
