so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I will pee on everything he values.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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