Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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