if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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