I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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