it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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