Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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