i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
