We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
