Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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