My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
