i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize