I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
