I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Randomize
