I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the day after is always just damage control
Life is so much better after having sex.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
