I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
