I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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