I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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