thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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