I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
