On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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