you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
