I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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