I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
