i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize