Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
