I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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