Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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