If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
