I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
