wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
