so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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