She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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