In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
