If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
