What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
