I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize