he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
