Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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